Dear Diary

I'm embarrassed I haven't posted in so long (especially since we had a pretty big 4th of July party and I failed to take many pictures)! I have been pretty active on Instagram but just haven't carved out the time to write any posts.  I've been in a pretty bad funk lately and am actively trying to claw my way out of it with the help of some amazing people. This post is somewhat of a flight-of-ideas about resources that are helping me lately - or that I hope will help me (and maybe you, if you're struggling, too!)

I've always been obsessed with journals, agendas, planners, trackers - all those little things that promise to help me get my life in order and stay on task. One thing I'm experimenting with in my fight against depression is bullet journaling, or my own version of it.  There are TONS of amazing examples out there of different formats, trackers, and creative elements to try (see my journaling Pinterest board for some drool-worthy inspiration), but I've never been successful at locking down one thing that works long-term.  It seems like my formats change depending on that week's (or day's) needs - which is fine in theory - but it doesn't help me develop a routine and make journaling a habit if the rules are always changing.

I really enjoy podcasts, because my attention span is too short for audiobooks.  I've stumbled upon one called Happier by Gretchen Rubin, and it is REALLY speaking to me lately.  Most are relatively short, featuring a few good nuggets of inspiration for how to improve your happiness.  She's written a few books on the subject, too, and I'm anxiously awaiting my copy of Better Than Before to come in so I can sink my teeth into it.

Accountability is a hugely important thing for me.  I'm fairly easily accountable to others - I hate letting people down - but a repeating theme in life is letting myself down by not following through on things I want or need to do (hence the lofty idea that journaling/tracking will magically improve all my outcomes by offering some external accountability!).  If a friend needs help moving, I'm there.  Yet I am "unable" to get out of bed 15 minutes early to do yoga despite knowing how good it makes me feel and how much better my day will be if I do.  It's this dissonance between knowing and doing that drives me nuts and starts the shame spiral swirling.

Mindfulness seems to be the glue that holds so many out-of-control aspects of my life together, and - unsurprisingly - I have a hard time creating a habit out of meditating and being mindful.  You don't have to carve out a huge amount of time to sit and meditate in order to be mindful, so small amounts at a time I do find myself bringing my awareness of situations or my feelings to the front of my mind.  But to truly live mindfully takes an effort I just honestly haven't put in yet.

Does anyone else identify with these internal struggles?  What methods of tracking or accountability have helped you?  How have you better disciplined yourself to do the things you actually need/want to do?



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